


The Truth

by StillWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Confessions, Despair, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e17 Unity, Purgatory, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StillWinchester/pseuds/StillWinchester
Summary: Dean and Cas are talking after 15x17. AU to 15x18 Despair. It’s The Truth.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	The Truth

**Author's Note:**

> It’s my first fanfiction in English (I’m not a native speaker), so it can be a piece of shit, but I hope you enjoy of it! It’s post 15x17, AU.

**The Truth**

“Cas!” called Dean, when he saw his friend on the bunker’s hall. Castiel stood in the door frame and looked for the hunter with pain in his eyes. Everything was wrong. They couldn’t defeat Chuck, they almost lost Jack…

“Yes, Dean?” he asked.

Dean was sitting in the corner of his bed and he indicated the place next to him. Cas went to room, closed a door and sat slowly.

“I need to talk with you,” explained Dean.

“About what?”

“About Chuck. And his words. And... You.”

Cas nodded, he knew Dean had a lot of questions. He also was thinking about it all the time. What did they miss?

Dean continued: “He said... Chuck said you're the only Castiel who rebelled against Heaven. I need to know why? Why did you rebel? I need to understand because it can be a key to victory... So, can you explain this?”

“I don't know either.”

Dean licked his lips and tried to ask again. It was really important to him, he needed to know why Cas, _his_ Cas, was special.

“Cas, you said earlier that we are real. And now I'm certainly sure... You are. You're real, Cas. Maybe even only you. On the whole freakin' world. How is it possible?”

Cas knew a reason, but he couldn’t say it loud even if he wants. But he didn’t want either. It was too hard for him, too painful. The truth could destroy their friendship, and he really didn’t want this.

“Dean, I think… I _may_ know the answer,” said Cas, but it was the only thing, which he could say without any consequences.

“So tell me...” asked Dean polite. He was really calm, he was trying to convince Cas to confess everything.

“I can't.”

“Why?”

“Because... I... I made a deal.”

Cas decided to tell about the Empty. He was keeping a secret for over a year, and he had enough. Every single day since he took that burden, was a nightmare. He wanted to protect Winchesters, but to be honest he was selfish and scared that Dean would be mad at him.

“You made a what?” asked Dean. He was shocked, how was it possible that he didn’t know about this earlier?

“A deal. With the Empty. When Jack was dying I promised her my life. The Shadow will come to me when I'm truly happy,” he explained.

“Cas... I don't understand what are you talking about. What has it to do with Chuck?”

Dean felt confused. They started talking about defeating God and now… Cas revealed some horrible secret to him. Why didn’t he tell this earlier? And what about ‘truly happy’? Did it mean Cas wasn’t happy? With them? With _him_?

“I'm afraid when I'll tell you the truth... The Empty comes. But I can do this... for you.”

What was he talking about? Did he want to sacrifice himself? Again! What did the hell happen here?

“Are you crazy? No, you stupid son of a bitch. You don't tell anything, what can kill you before we'll find a way to deal with that,” said Dean madly. He didn’t even want to hear so idiotic idea!

“It's no way, Dean. The Empty is unstoppable. It already has me. All angels belong to the Empty. Of course, I prefer to go there later than sooner, but I can do this for the world. _For you._ ”

Cas said it _again_. He wanted sacrifice for _him_. For Dean fucking Winchester. He did it all the time. Over and over again. He did everything for saving one human. For saving a world only for _him_.

Dean bit his bottom lip, and he was thinking how to save Cas… _All angels belong to the Empty…_ That was it! That was a solution!

“Wait. All _angels_ belong to the Empty... So, what if... What if you stop being an angel and became a human?” said Dean.

“Dean...”

“Yeah, I know... I know it wasn't easy last time, but now I don't kick you out of the bunker. It would be different. I'll help you, I promise.”

Dean looked into Cas’ blue eyes with hope that angel will agree with this plan. It was the only way and Dean… He needed him. He needed Cas.

“As a human I'll be useless...” murmured angel.

“Oh Cas, come on! Don't say that! Don't even think like that!”

How dare he say this?! Cas meant everything to him, and he still thought that he cared about him only because he was useful?! 

“But without my powers, you wouldn't need me anymore.”

“What are you talking about? I'll always need you! You're my friend and sorry, but I'd rather have you. Angel or human.”

And that was true. Cas was important for him, he kicked him out of the bunker last time only because Gadreel made him to do this. He wanted to keep him. Of course, he wanted to keep him! Who didn’t? It was Cas!

“I'm afraid the thing what I'm going to say, change everything between us.” Cas tried again to point out, why the plan wouldn’t work out.

“Nothing can do this.” Dean was sure about that.

“Except that _one_ thing...”

Dean stood, he was angry for Cas and for himself. He hoped they were okay after their trip for leviathan blossom… Obviously, he was wrong.

“So what, you prefer suicide mission than the truth? You don't trust me? You still see me like the man, who blame you about everything? I thought... I thought you forgave me after purgatory...” yelled Dean. “I know I was an asshole to you… And I’m sorry, I really am. I’m thinking about that every night… I’ve done a lot of horrible things in my life and this one… was one of the worst. You deserve better, Cas…”

“Dean, I did forgive you already. You don’t need to back to this.”

“So, what's the matter, Cas? You don't think you deserve to be saved?”

Dean looked into Cas’ face for the moment and then turned away again. He used that words on purpose. It was similar to these one, which he heard during their first meet.

“Dean... It's not that simple... It's the thing... I'm afraid you couldn’t look at me the same way, when I tell you the truth.”

“Dammit, Cas! Whatever it is... I can handle it.”

Castiel stood and came to Dean. He touched Dean’s arm and just whispered his name: “Dean...”

Dean turned around, he needed to see a face of his best friend, and he needed to beg once again.

“Cas, just do it for me. The last request... Be a human for me. We'll figure it out later, just like we always do...”

Cas was thinking about it. Being human again and have all this feeling? It would be so hard… But he couldn’t resist… Like always. He was doing everything for Dean and even then when he knew that Dean will abandon him, he was ready for this.

“All right,” he said.

Cas pulled out angel blade and gave it to Dean, who found some jar for the grace in his locker.

“Are you ready?” asked Dean. Cas closed his eyes and nodded. He couldn’t be ready for this ever, but he didn’t have a choice.

Dean notched Cas’ throat and heard a muffled noise. It must be painful for his dear friend. Dean took the grace into the jar and put it off on a bedside table. Cas was still bleeding, so Dean betook clear towel to the wound.

Cas was breathing hard, and he was still closing eyes.

“How... How are you feeling?” asked Dean in a concern. Cas looked so pale and he was shaking.

“A little sick, but it would be okay,” he answered.

Dean seated Cas on bed and covered him with a blanket. Then he sat next to him, and he held his arm. He knew he needed to look after him. He owed him this.

They were sitting a few minutes on bed. Dean was holding Cas’ arm all the time to make sure that he was fine. Ex-angel opened his eyes.

“Can you tell me now?” asked Dean after Cas felt better.

“Yes, I can, but it won't be easy. You need to know that I’m really sorry…” He cleared his throat. “Since I made a deal, I wondered what my true happiness is. Because one thing I want it's something I know I can't have.”

“What thing?”

Cas ignored the question. He needed to tell everything right now, before he’ll be too scared to being able to speak.

“I know now that happiness isn't in the having. It's just being. I need to say it, and then I'll be happy.”

“Say what? I don't understand.” Dean frowned his brows. What did all supposed to mean?

“Say the one thing, which made that I rebelled. Because this is the same. My happiness is the reason why I fell,” explained Cas, but Dean still didn’t understand.

“So what is it?” he asked again.

Cas was silent for the moment, and then he looked into Dean’s eye. So green, so beautiful… It gave him strength.

“You. It's always been you,” said Cas. “I love you, Dean.”

“Cas...” he whispered. His face expressed surprise and fear. He wasn’t sure what was Cas talking about? He loved him like a friend or…

“And I'm so sorry for this. I pretended so many years because I knew you don't feel the same... But you, Dean, you have the brightest soul I've ever seen. I saw your fear... I saw what are you caring about. You changed me, Dean. And I'm in love with you from the beginning, even then when I didn't know a meaning of these words...” said Cas and one tear fell down his cheek. He was human again, so everything was hitting him different. More painful.

Dean understood now. So many years, and he thought that angels can’t feel… But it was Castiel. The one, who gripped him tight and raised from the perdition. The one, who was always standing by him. The one, who gave him everything.

“Why you say that?” asked Dean, his heart was pounding really fast. He couldn’t stop looking in Cas’ eyes. Even then these were wet, these were still beautiful. Still Castiel’s.

“Because it's truth,” he sobbed.

“No, why you said that you couldn't have it? Why you said that I didn't feel the same? Why didn't you ever ask?”

“Dean?” Cas wasn’t sure if he understood all of this right. It couldn’t be true that Dean…

“In the purgatory... I wanted to say something else, but you interrupted me and later I chickened out... I thought I lost you, and it was the worst feeling because I didn't have a time to say it... To say that I love you...” Dean said it and felt a relief. He was finally free because he told his truth.

“You... You do?” Cas couldn’t believe in that. Dean felt the same, and he thought it’s impossible. How could that wonderful man fall in love with the broken angel?

“Of course, I do, you dumbass...”

Cas put his right hand on Dean’s left arm and swallowed uneasily. He just became human, and now he felt so many feelings.

“Dean, can I... can I...”

He didn't finish a sentence because Dean was kissing him already. They closed eyes and they forgot about everything. About Chuck. About the end of the world...  
At that moment they were the most important. Nothing else mattered.  
Cas has kissed only a few times, but for the first time he was kissing the love of his life. And he was making this as a human. He was feeling Dean's soft lips with every cell in his body. The kiss was sweet and gentle because they were still getting to know their bodies, but for Cas it was something amazing. He has never felt like that before.  
And Dean felt the same. He’s kissed a lot of women and a few men before, but Cas was different... Cas was his.

“Dean...” angel whispered. It sounded so sweet from his mouth.

“Cas...”

They were staring each other like always, but with the little difference. Now they both knew the truth.

"What now, Dean?" asked Cas. It was something new to him, he didn't know how to behave.

“I think... It will be a long road for us, but now... Now I'm gonna kiss you again.”

And he did.


End file.
